Me and Myself

I've always talked to myself. I know it's a common trait for thinking people to talk to themselves - it helps to work out difficult problems (carry the one), or remember directions (turn left at the light) or keep lists (remember to get bread, milk, paper towels), but I feel like I've always had a much different way of talking to myself, so much so that "myself" has almost become a separate entity from "me."

When I was a child I would talk to myself as a friend. I would tell myself about my day or role-play with myself. For example I would pretend to be Barbie and myself would be Barbie's stern mother. I would look at myself in the mirror and chat like a friend was listening and responding.

Now that I live alone I feel like it's developing in a new way. I ask myself for advice (should I go to the movies today or should I ride my bike?). I'll ask myself for an opinion (which do you like better, the blue or the yellow?). I'll even watch TV with myself (did you know Jennifer Aniston was in this?). But I think what keeps me sane is that myself will answer me in the same way that I would answer anyone with a dumb question (of course I didn't know, we're the same person!) As soon as I lose that grip on reality I will stop functioning in society.

It is nice to have someone I can talk to who appreciates my jokes and likes the same things as me, but every once in awhile myself will tell me a joke wasn't funny or the skirt I want to wear isn't as cute as I think it is.

Super Powers

I've been meaning to write about the top three super powers that I want ever since I started watching Heroes again.  Here goes.

1. Teleportation

I believe this to be the ultimate super power for one reason: traveling sucks.  Don't get me wrong - there are some positive aspects of traveling such as catching up on a book while flying, seeing the sights through a train window, taking a road trip with friends, but these things can still be accomplished without the hassle of travel.  I could teleport to a field in some European country and take in the beauty without the hassle of fitting my luggage on the train.  I could teleport to a rocking chair in the south to read a book without going through security.  I could teleport to visit 6 friends in one weekend and see where they live, their families, and their favorite restaurant in town.  I could be closer to everyone I love and be further from everyone I don't.  I could cut out road rage, travel anxiety, and the pain in my ears from the plane landing.  I could teleport to the gym during my lunch break instead of taking the entire time to get there and back.  The possibilities are endless.  I would visit every continent, every country!  I could donate my gas money to charity (I do feel guilty that my top super power is selfish).

2. Human lie detector

At first this was going to be Mind Reader, but then I saw the girl on Heroes who could tell when someone is lying and decided it would be much better.  Knowing everyone's thoughts seems like hell most of the time - it seems the only time i ever really think cohesively is when I'm being judgmental.  Oh man, maybe that's just all I ever think.  Anyway, moving on.  I want to know when people are lying because then I can make intelligent decisions for myself and others.  See, sometimes people lie to me because they don't understand what I'm asking - like if I say to a roommate, "are you staying the night?" she may think I want her to leave when really I just want to know if I should move my car out of the driveway.  So she may say yes just to make me think she's staying to try to ruin my night, but really she's stuck in the driveway now.  I don't really care what she thinks; I just want to know if I have to move the car now or if she's gonna wake me up to move it.  See?  I'm helping us both.  Or if I ask my boss if I can have a day off and he says, "no, we're busy that day" but I can tell he's lying, then I can change my argument; I'll know to come up with a doctor's appointment.  But if he's not lying, I would come to work that day and change my day off - or prove that I'm not busy.  Or if someone says, "I just entered your number wrong on my phone" I will know whether to keep trying to get together with that person or just let them be.  No hard feelings, no one looks foolish.  I'm not trying to call people out on their white lies - I just want to know when I'm being lied to so I don't do the wrong thing.  P.S. if, like on Heroes, I got a tingle whenever someone was lying, I'd have to wear loose fitting pants at work.

3.  Controlling Cars on the Road

This is not a very common super power but it is one that I have truly wished for ever since I started using cruise control regularly.  I enjoy my safety pocket on the highway and I cannot stand when I'm cruising at 70 and the driver next to me keeps going from 65 to 80 and back again.  I want to be able to send this guy ahead of me far enough that his 65 bouts won't affect me.  Also, merging.  Omigod I cannot stand when we're all merging and the driver in front of me won't move into the lane even though there's plenty of space for him.  He's just gotta stay straight even if it means half his car is in the shoulder.  I would be able to squeeze him in right in front of me, in the lane.  Or I'm trying to get onto the highway and the driver on the road won't change to the next lane even though it's free and clear.  I could move him over just until I pass.  Or I'm trying to exit while someone is trying to enter and he slows down even though he's trying to get on the highway, but I slow down because I'm trying to exit and then we're stuck next to each other so neither can move to the desired lane.  I'd sped him up to pass me and enter safely onto the highway.  This super power gives me the ability to make other cars do the right thing - stay at one speed in your own pocket, merge into the lane when it's your clear chance, speed up when getting on the highway, etc.  Not only am I helping myself curb the rage, I'm also helping everyone else get better gas mileage.  Not entirely selfish.  I should give credit where credit is due, though - when I was 15 my mother was dating H.  H was a man who drove a lot.  He was a smoker and not allowed to smoke in our house so he would go for drives, or volunteer to drive me places when I needed.  He had this thing where he would take one hand off the steering wheel and pretend to push the cars in front of him out of the way, like parting the red sea.  Every once in a while a car would move as he did it and would say, "Look!  I did it!"  As a non-driver I thought he was nuts and didn't understand why he was always doing that; I thought he was bored.  But now I realize it was to curb the rage.

Just a little more about HP/country music

I've returned home from HP6 the second time.  On the drive to the theater I caught the end of Brad Paisley's new single "Welcome to the Future."  The part I heard was about how far we've come with racism, I guess.  I was pretty excited about it because a. it's a country song, b. I love shit about racism (positive shit) and c. have the two ever before come together?  In the song he sings about how people burned a cross on the lawn of one his friends in high school.  We know the friend is supposed to be black because he's on the football team and he gets a cross burned on his lawn for asking out the homecoming.  Okay, we're halfway there.  Anyway, then he goes on to sing that we've gone from Rosa Parks to "a man with a dream."  I thought he was going to reference a man in an oval office or something along those lines, and maybe he is in a way?  But then to segue into the chorus he sings, "wake up, Martin Luther: welcome to the future."  Now, if there's anything I like more than positive racist shit, it's Martin Luther King Jr.  But what happened in the song here?  Are we singing about Christianity and the road Lutheranism has taken?  Are we singing about how the Christian KKK has gone from burning crosses to voting for black people?  Or are we honestly supposed to allow poetic license and just know he's singing about MLK Jr?  Also, we went from Rosa Parks to MLKJ?  That 40 years ago!  Does he think that was the end of racism?  We finally get a progress country song and it's only progressed to the 1960's.  Well, after the movie I needed to hear the whole song so I listened on youtube.  It's not mainly about racism at all; it's about progress - cell phones, video chat, and fusing electronic music with country style.  Oh well, I wonder if Lutherans will like it.  Do they still exist even?

Here's my segue to Harry Potter:  The 6th book includes a lot about splitting the soul and the evil that entails.  Somehow I always connected that to a passage from Martin Luther King Jr's "Letter from a Birmingham Jail": 

" ... segregation distorts the soul and damages the personality... Hence segregation is not only politically, economically and sociologically unsound, it is morally wrong and sinful. Paul Tillich has said that sin is separation. Is not segregation an existential expression of man's tragic separation, his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness?" 

People must be whole together so that they can be whole within themselves.  Voldemort was always alone; he was without parental love, friendship or companionship.  Therefore, he did not see that splitting his soul was evil because he was in essence already a split soul.  Now it may seem like a stretch but if you know who V'mort is, you know that he not only splits his soul, but also splits the community.  His goal is to weed out the mudbloods and the muggles from the purebloods.  Is this not the same as segregating black and white, Jewish and goy, gay and straight?

Furthermore, in the movie, and now that I think of it, previous movies, there is a strong theme of light and dark.  Slughorn tells Harry that there is light and dark and he tries to stay towards the lighter magic.  Dumbledore fights off death with light and heat.  In the 3rd movie Dumbledore says that in times of darkness one can always turn on the light. etc.  Does this not directly come from MLK saying we must fight darkness with light?  

Have we come a long way from the 1960's?  We still find the need to teach our children about the evils of segregation.  Martin Luther King Jr.'s words are still news to us.  Is it because we only ever read the first half of his "Letter" in school?  Is it because we think we're done and therefore cannot move forward?  Is it because we compare real humans who are different, like gay people, foreigners, and people of color, to vampires , werewolves and wizards?

Harry Potter Review (SPOILER)

I finally saw HP6 and don't really know what to think.  

I'll start with the good:

The three leads' acting was much improved.  I guess after 5 movies you're bound to get a little better.  The crying wasn't laughable like in previous films.  It helped that Harry didn't cry - Radcliffe is pretty bad at it. 

The cinematography was great.  It was shot by the same guy who did Amelie and I read that they had to undo a lot of the editing because the colors, like in Amelie, were "surreal."  I wish I could see that first version.  The shots were almost as nice as HP3, and the magic looked pretty magical.

Michael Gambon, who will never be as good as the late Richard Harris, as Dumbledore, was a bit improved.  He at least got a funny line or two: "Ah, to be young again and feel the sweet sting of love."  I wonder if we will ever find out why they made Dumbledore suck.

The story that Slughorn told Harry about his fish, which was not in the book, was great.  I thought it was sweet and really helped the plotline of Harry's mother being so special.

Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was pretty cool too.  It was shot well and looked neat.  I could probably watch a half hour of just people looking through the shop, but that's not really useful.

I liked that we got to see Neville a little.  I didn't realize how little a role he plays in the 6th book.  We read about his classes in the beginning and then he's in the fight at the end (that was cut due to hatin' on Bill?) but that's it, isn't it?

Loved the scene with Harry and Ron lying in bed talking about girls' skin.  Where to boys jerk off at a boarding school?  Must be rough.

Slughorn was good.  Maybe I just enjoyed pretending Bridget Jones' dad is secretly a wizard.

I think I liked that Snape shushed Harry just before offing Dumby.  It helped strengthen the "betrayal."

Aragorn was nicely gross and scary even in death.

Harry was great on Felix.  Loved the cocky know-it-all, slightly drunk act, even though it wasn't what I expected.  Also liked Hermione drunk.

Luna's wrackspurts exist, if not the way she imagines them.  They looked like "Dust."  I was worried for a second that Harry's Daemon would show up too.

Blaise Zabini was hott.

Things I didn't like:

McLagen was hott.  How are we supposed to be against him when he licks his lips at Hermione and is super seductive?

Dumbledore doesn't know what's going on?  He sees Slughorn's true memory and is shocked? Why have they ruined Dumbledore?  Also, is he hitting on Harry?  Is this to set up the post-mortem controversy?  Harry, are you making out with Hermione?  Harry, you need to shave [giggle].  wtf?

Fleur is a great character - why cut her out?  Especially when the movie is all about hormones and she basically represents sexual desire.  Also, Trewlaney must be fun to shoot.  Weird that they would cut such visually exciting characters.

The best part about a crush is the anticipation.  Harry and Ginny don't do it well in the movie.  It's too easy, and when it does happen, it's not special enough.  The most prominent theme in the book is Love, with a capital L and it wasn't payed out well.  I guess it was obvious that they were in love but I think they introduced her too strong, too soon in the movie.

Rowling does a pretty good job of diversifying the student population in the books, and the previous movies have been okay about it.  This movie was awful - why are the Patil twins no longer Indian?  Where are the dred locks? 

Didn't realize how much I liked the Dursleys until they were gone.  I think I just feel bad for the actors.

Snape revealing that he is the HBP was so anti-climactic.  Oh by the way, remember that book you barely talked about this year?  It was mine.  You know the book - the one that helped you in potions?  The one you kinda remember hiding with Ginny?  Oh, did her kiss downplay that part?  You know what I'm talking about; It's the title of the movie.  I guess you don't care, but I am the HBP, just so you know.  Move on, Snape; we don't know what you're referring to.  

Things to Ponder:

Obviously: the Horcruxes.  It was cool that we got to see Dumbledore realize that Harry is one.  That was somehow obvious and subtle at the same time.  Liked it.  BUT, no cup? no snake? no something of Ravenclaw's?  Will it just be the locket and Harry?  Will Harry really figure it all out on his own?  Maybe Dumby will help through Snape more than originally.

Will we get to see the Fleur/Bill wedding even though they were absent?  I guess it's disposable but would be cool to see.  I think they'll do it - they already made Shell Cottage, so we know the couple will be in there somehow.

Will Kreacher be totally out?  My guess it most likely.  Maybe he'll be in the Black house to serve but not help figure out the secret of Regalus.  I hope they still go to the Black house even though we didn't find out in the movie that Harry owns it. I love the scene where Ron and Hermione fall asleep holding hands and Harry feels all alone.

The invisibility cloak was super played down, but the ring was there, as was Dumbledore's wand.  Maybe the invisibility cloak just isn't fun to film?  The stone will def be in the last movie cuz Radcliffe, in an interview, talked about filming the scene with Harry's loved ones walking into the woods.

What will Harry do about Ginny?  Hermione talks in the end about her like she'll be around.  She better not be.  EW's HP6 spread included her in all the shots, so there's a chance she'll have a bigger role than she should.  Maybe they'll play up the female power.

Will they out Dumby?  I think I hope so.  It would be nice to have a little pro-gay/anti-gay theme in the finale, especially if they get the Love theme right. 

If they cut out Xenophilia, I will be so mad.  I still remember how excited I was when I saw that he had his own chapter in the book.  Here's hoping everyone else felt the same.  Luna had a strong presence, and the Quibbler was there, so there's hope.

The Order was almost non-existent.  Will we get to see George's ear cut off?  Seven Harrys?

Will they move the "Other Minister" scene to the 7th movie or cut it completely and introduce him another way.  We know Scrimgeour will be there because he's been cast already, but I do hope to see the muggle minister meet him.  If they're cutting the book into two, they might as well keep all the fun, right?

Exciting stuff!  Can't wait to see it again.

Father's Day

With father's day upon us I thought I'd share my favorite father's day memory:

A few years ago, maybe a decade or more, my father decided to take us to a Red Sox game at Fenway park. For years he got season tickets in the form of a "clergy pass." This pass allowed him, as a Rabbi, to enter the stadium with one guest and sit anywhere there were free seats. Back in the day the Red Sox were not the super team they are now and the games were rarely sold out, which meant they were more lenient and allowed my father to bring in more than one guest. So on this particular father's day we all got in the car, my sister, my step-mother, my father, and me, and drove down to Fenway to get into a Red Sox game for free.
My father used all of the clergy benefits to his advantage. It turns out clergy get these car decals for funeral processions and such, and my father would use his to park at various churches and synagogues for free. Of course Boston is one of those cities that has difficult parking so we used his clergy parking pass (not really what it is). We all get out of the car, dad pops the trunk to get his picnic basket or something silly like that, and we close the doors. Oops, the keys are still in the car. My father makes me climb through the trunk, push down the seats, and slither through them to the front to get the keys. Great start!
When we get to Fenway, the game is sold out - it is father's day after all. We try to get all 4 people in but they say only two are allowed. Oh, wasn't there a guy on the way who was selling 4 tickets? We go back to the scalper and my dad tries to cut a deal. The scalper wants too much for 4 - oh wait, we only need 2 and we know that if the other two tickets are sold, they'll be from this scalper and we can accuse the buyers of getting their tickets illegally! So we buy the two tickets, get in with those and the clergy pass and sit in the 4 empty seats - right behind the home team dugout. Not bad.
When we get to the seats we see another Rabbi and his family that we know from summer camp sitting in the row behind us. Awesome, we're not the only ones abusing the system - oh wait, they bought their tickets and took the T in.
A few innings in, a young couple accuses us of being in their seats - someone finally bought those other two scalped tickets. My dad tries the, you bought those illegally bit, for a minutes but maybe feels bad so he points out two seats a few rows in front of us that haven't been occupied yet for them to sit in. It worked out for all.
What do I remember about the actual baseball game? Johnny Damon on deck and little kids nagging him for his autograph. No clue who they played or who won. I wonder if I was ever actually a Red Sox fan.
BTW, the Red Sox don't give out clergy passes now that all their games sell out. The Padres would never turn their back on their devout fans like that, paying or not paying. Although we'll never really know because the Padres may not ever have sell out seasons - and that's why I'm such a big fan.
Happy father's day, everyone!

My Tourist Weekend in San Diego

I had a pretty busy weekend in my own town doing a few tourist things. What a great city it is!

At work on Friday we got free passes to Sea World for that same night. I purposefully did not tell my immediate coworkers about the passes so I wouldn't bump into them there. I invited a friend of mine but she was sick and I was going to spend time with most of my other friends the rest of the weekend so I decided to call a guy who sometimes calls to hang out with me but I'm not interested in. He got home from work late and told me to just meet him at his house so he'd have a little time to get ready. I walked over (about 15 min walk) and when I got there he needed a beer, so I waited for him to have a beer. Then his client called and he made me wait in the other room while he answered the call. Then he wanted a burrito before we went to Seaworld wo I waited for him to get a burrito. Then we got to Seaworld and he ate his burrito in the car while I sat there. When we finally got to Seaworld it was pretty cool. he was still a total douche but it was really nice going to a theme park where there are zero tourists. Everyone there was invited by their work so it was all San Diegans and their families. The weather was a nice 65 and the lines were short. It was late at night so the animals were pretty rowdy and the view from the rollercoaster was great. We alos got to see the fireworks that I've only ever heard from various apartments around San Diego. When the park closed we went back to his car where I sat and waited for him to finish off the rest of his burrito. Then he drove to his house without asking me if I wanted to go home. Then we got out of the car, he didn't invite me in, and I walked home. Needless to say, I will not be hanging out with that guy any more.

Saturday I decided to walk to the zoo because it's a good fitness walk and I wanted to tell the membership desk that I have not been receiving my ZooNooz magazine, which is very important to my bathroom experience. When I got there I decided I might as well walk in and see a few favorites. This was a very different experience from the previous night. Tourism season is in full affect as the summer has started. I'm not used to the zoo being to crowded because I rarely go on a weekend day after Memorial day. I did enjoy the people watching and I tried to walk slowly with the crowd. I went over to where the giraffes are, expecting to just watch them and the elephants for a few minutes then go home (and maybe get some softserve). Turns out the elephants are no longer there. So I looked at a map to see where they were moved to and find out there's a new section of the zoo that must've recently been opened called "Elephant Odyssey." So that's what all those hats and t-shirts are about! OK, I decide to check it out since it doesn't look too far. It's far. They opened up a whole new area of the zoo that I don't think existed before. it felt like they doubled the size of the zoo. It was pretty cool I guess but the elephants seemed a lot further away than they used to be. It does have more of a "paleolithic age" feel to it though. When I finally got through the odyssey I had to walk home. it was a bit tough, I have to admit, but it felt goot to go on such a long walk and I didn't even stop for softserve!

Saturday afternoon B called to hang out with him and our mutual friend who was in town. He suggested we go for an easy hike. I nixed that right away. I could barely stand. Instead, they each decided to play their new record in it's entirety. Nice and relaxing, except that the listening enhancers made it so I had to get up to dance a little. Finally we went to an Ethiopian restaurant - totally for tourists, but enjoyable. It was surprisingly crowded too.

After dinner I made it home just in time to throw on a fancy dress and some heels and head to a downtown hotel for a friend's ballroom dance competition. This involved lots of standing around and $10 drinks. The competition wasn't too bad - it's always fun to gawk at the outfits, this time it was the men's outfits that were all jazzed up with glitter and sheer material. It's impossible to tell the straight men frm teh gay men. My friend won some cash, which is great because he owes me money. It was alos a nice excuse to wear that New Year's eve dress that gets so little action (wearing action, not sexual action).

Aaah bed time!

Woke up early Sunday to meet B and friend to go to the farmer's market. Another packed place in town. Have I forgotten how many people are here over the summer? We got the usual breakfast gyros that are not at all meant for breakfast, and coconut Thai pancakes that are also not meant for breakfast, and some fruit samples then headed over to the used bookstore. I bought The Hitchiker's Guide to the Gallaxy partly because I've always wanted to read it, but mostly because the actor who just starred as Scotty is the main character in the modern movie adaptation. We then chilled in the grass at B's house for a bit. I forgot how great June gloom is. It's basically 65 all day and night with warm sunshine when you want it and cool shade when you want it. Perfect. Went home to esape the B and friend while they fought over mixing music.

Sunday night B and I went out for sushi so he could get his last non-Mexican food for two months. Then we went up north to see Nikka Costa. We ran into two friends of his/mine at the show, which was nice but scary on my music-listening enhancers. I never like concert goers, no matter who they are. I always find an excuse to hate them - they stand to close, they're too tall (where are all these 7 ft tall ppl coming from and why do they love live music?), or the touch me when dancing, or they're making out in front of me, or they're wearing baseball hats that prove they are out of town hicks. Anyway, this guy came through the crowd to stand next to his 7 foot tall friend, and I, out of habit gave him a derisive look. 30 minutes later, the guy is on stage playing a mean sax with his band-member sister, who is apparently from San Diego. Oops. He looked like such a nice guy on stage too. Whenever he took a breath from playing the sax he had a smile on his face. Oh well, he was still too tall to be standing in front of me and I was happy when he didn't come back out tot he audience after his song.

So I finally went home and got to sleep, promising myself that I'd rollerblade after work on Monday adn wouldn't need to shower until after that workout. Then the alarm goes off this morning and I remember the mandatory happy hour we have scheduled today. I've already surpassed my June budget for money and food! At least we might get our of work early today!

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that B and I watched scenes from Hairspray to get us in the dancing mood for the show. It totes worked.

Through the Generations

I visited my gramma this past weekend in Florida, with my mom. The two of them act just like me and my mom. It's horrible to watch. They are both bossy and sarcastic and bad cooks with bad taste in food - and neither of them see it in the other one. Gramma kept complaining to me about how bossy my mom is and laughed at her inability to cook. My mom was very good at ignoring the mean remarks, and even better at not caring to the point of making it worse. I hate seeing my own flaws in other people because it makes me realize how other people see me - not pretty. I even have the added bonus of loving these obnoxious people. The people around me must be in hell.
But the fact the neither my mom nor gramma realized that they are the same as each other gave me hope. At least I can see now that I act this way, and maybe it will help me not be like that forever.
Other intersting things about my visit:
My mom got a Blackberry and is always on it. It's common for someone to be on there new PDA a lot but those people are usually doing lots of different things, like texting, surfing the web, using cool apps, etc. My mom just takes a long time to do the simple things. She wants to text someone back - there goes five minutes. She wants us to pose for a picture and then save it - there goes ten minutes. We were getting in the car, with her in the driver's seat, and people were waiting for our parking spot while she stood there and did who knows what with her phone. I had to keep gramma talking at dinner while mom played with her phone. V. annoying.
Shopping with gramma was a trip too. She wanted to buy me something for my birthday so she took me to the old lady version of Marshall's. She went through each isle picking out different muumuus and matching colored denim suits for me and then got hurt when I said they were my style. Meanwhile, my mom shopped in the juniors section for herself. I finally picked out some boat shoes for her to buy me while mom got some tacky silver flip flops with mirrored bangles. Gramma took one look at them and said, JEANNE NO! Mom just laughed and took them to the register.
My mother has picked up some awful habits living alone all these years. She coughs without covering her mouth, she chews with her mouth open, she lets rip some awful farts, and she is sarcastic and judgmental. I love living alone but don't want to end up chewing with my mouth open. How can I avoid this?